


Losing everything

by BearlyMadeIt



Category: Limitless (TV)
Genre: Dark, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Engagement, Established Relationship, Gay, Love, M/M, Prison, Secret Relationship, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 06:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13758138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BearlyMadeIt/pseuds/BearlyMadeIt
Summary: Edward Morra is accused of distributing and using the illegal drug NZT.With his last day as a free man, he has to sort some things out. Make certain that things will run without him. Was his decision to trust his lover Brian the right one?Will he ever get out of prison?





	Losing everything

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to write a new chapter of Loving your enemy. Yet, this story came to me and it wanted to be written. There is more to come, I have already planed quite a few things.
> 
> Enjoy reading! 
> 
> Lastly, like always, I would appreciate your feedback.

„Did Mister Morra supply you with NZT?"

The question seemed to remain, float through the courtroom. Alive and dangerous, ready to strike and kill like a snake. Even though Eddie Morra knew he was as good as dead. Maybe not figuratively speaking, but he knew his odds of getting out of a prison as a young man. The moment they had Ellen Holmes in an interrogation room his fate was set. It was only a question of time until she broke. A question of time until she would testify against him. A part of him wondered why he had kept her at his side for so long. Off NZT she was naïve and sweet and gentle and gullible. On NZT though... he had barely seen anyone turning down his old personality that willingly. Ellen on NZT had something shark-like. She was brilliant in so many ways.

Ed could see, how Ellen dared to throw a glimpse at him. There was so much insecurity in her gaze. So much fear. Would the situation be another, he would feel sorry for her. As far as he could feel sorry for anyone. The FBI had most likely threatened her to bits. For Ellen, her family was everything. Ellen's gaze wavered, went back to the prosecuting attorney. Her lower lip quivered. Ed closed his eyes. He knew, what would follow.

"Yes." Her voice rang through the silent room. The jury taking in her every word.

"For how long?"

"Over a year." Ellen's voice sounded even thinner than before.

"Did he take NZT, too?"

"Yes."

"Did you see him taking it?"

"No."

"How do you know?"

"There are things you know on NZT. You recognize how people act and speak. What they show you, what they hide. He is... was good at hiding it. Besides, he told me he took it for five years."

"How were you able to take NZT, considering the deadly side-effects?"

"He... he gave me immunity to it. He gave me something to stop the drug from killing me."

Ed opened his eyes again, looking at her. They had gotten everything out of her, hadn't they? He sighed in the safety of his head.

"That would be enough for now. Mister Morra, would you mind answering some questions?" the attorney looked at him, all smiling. Ed knew, what he had to do. He nodded shortly, got up and sat down again to be questioned. He had a good look at the press reporter. The jury, which would judge him. And the few people who were allowed to watch this farce. Some guys from the FBI mostly. Among them Rebecca Harris and Brian Finch.

"Do you deny taking NZT?"

His gaze rested on Harris for a moment. She had already witnessed against him as had Finch. The later had (lucky him) forgotten to mention that he was on NZT. Or that he got his immunity through Ed.

His gaze returned to the attorney.

"No." Was his gentle response. The attorney hesitated for a second. He had expected a different answer, hadn't he?

He could hear a whisper move through the jury like a living being.

"You do not deny taking NZT?" the man in front of him asked again as if to make sure he hadn't misheard him. Ed could see his lawyer shaking his head, looking at him with a stunned expression. That stupid guy had advised him to deny the whole affair. Try to shift the blame onto Ellen.

"No, I do not deny it. I took NZT for a bit over five years."

The following silence was amusing in a way. The attorney stared at him for a second. Did he not find any words to ask? Ed's gaze flickered towards his lawyer. That idiot was staring at him in utter disbelief, then his head lowered. As if shifting the blame onto Ellen would work. She didn't have it in herself to kill a fly. The people judging him would see her gentleness. His only chance was telling the truth. Where ever that would get him.

"You do know that consuming, owning and distributing NZT is forbidden, don't you?"

Ed tilted his head ever so slightly. "Just like any other illegal drug? Yes, of course."

Many questions later, the trial was paused for the day.

Leaving the building in a hurry, Edward tried to dodge anyone who might want to talk to him. Like the press guy. Or his lawyer, who still looked quite dumbfounded.

Outside, the warmth of the sun nearly hit him. A brilliant blue sky. The world wouldn't care what happened to him, just like it had always been. He took care of vanishing within the crowds of people moving around. Out here, nothing had changed. Yet. His case was protected by a press ban. The entire jury had been selected on their ability to keep a secret trial, well, a secret. As soon as he got his sentence, the entire affair would most likely get public. Until now, though... people greeted him on the street. They just saw their senator. Not a man, who was (more or less) a walking prisoner.

He was allowed to move freely within the city. His pass had been taken. His bank accounts frozen. He was on each and every no-fly, no-bus and whatever else list one could find. If he guessed correctly, the jury would be asked for their decision on his case tomorrow. Obviously, he was guilty of the accused crimes. No questions asked. Today was his last day as 'free' man. His last day... The idea to simply disappear sprang into his mind again. He would be able to do it. Be gone. Leave the country. Nothing easier than that, but...

Losing himself in his thoughts and his sorrow, his body continued moving. He still wondered, who had betrayed him. Someone had tipped the FBI, after all. He had guessed all his employees were loyal enough (or threatened enough) to not turn him down. Wrongly guessed, obviously. Yet again, that fact didn't bother him that much anymore. There was something else on his mind entirely.

Realizing, that he had stopped moving, he looked around. He stood in front of his bank. His accounts may have been frozen, but he had still access to his safe... Some minutes passed, in which he fought his own internal fight. It would be a too cruel thing to do, but... sighing deeply, he entered the building. There was one last thing he had to do, after all.

* * *

Entering his apartment, a tiny smile found its way onto his lips, even though it did not reach his eyes. He had never felt that lonely in his life before. He had never felt lonelier, even though he heard his lover rummaging in the kitchen, obviously cooking. Or setting the apartment on fire, whatever happened first.

Entering his kitchen, he watched Brian move around with the sureness, which came from NZT. Meaning his apartment wouldn't be burned down today. Lucky him.

Brian looked up from chopping some vegetables the moment Ed entered the room, a deep sadness in his eyes.

"You did well today. Becca was furious. She really wanted to catch you lying." Brian commented, looking at him and still cutting the veggies. Ed only snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Poor righteous little bitch."

He earned a chuckle from Brian as response. Looking at his lover for a moment, he got moving again. In no time he was beside Brian, finally helping himself to his welcome kiss, while his arms found their usual position in wrapping around his love. After their lips parted, Ed remained where he was. Embracing his lover with closed eyes. Inhaling his scent, mixed with a faint smell of chili and garlic. He had tasted salt on his lover's lips. That kind of salt which only came with tears. He had cried again. Brian never did that in front of him. He hid his own sadness behind a fake smile and the desperate attempt to cheer him up, which Ed assumed to be impossible. How could he possibly be cheered up, if he was going to go to prison for an indefinite timespan? Losing his life, his plans, his love.

"Hey mister." He felt Brian's fingers move across his cheek, ripping him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah?" he asked, trying to sound innocent.

"Don't zoom out on me. I want you around for the rest of the day." Brian pecked his lips before turning around, finishing the veggies. Ed placed his head on Brian's shoulder, watching the moving kitchen knife. His arms were still firmly wrapped around Brian, pressing his lover against his body. He was the reason he was still here. His Brian. They had discussed disappearing, but Brian couldn't leave. Not really. He told him he would, but he was a family person just like Ellen. His love would hate him earlier or later, for having forced a runaway life on him. He didn't want that. To be hated by the only person he truly cared for in a long while. And he didn't want to leave alone, even though he knew he should have. He couldn't do anything other than hiding as soon he was on the run. That wouldn't help him either. Ever since he had decided to stay and face court, the two of them were working on strategies to get the lowest sentence possible for him.

He let go of Brian the moment he was done cutting veggies. He let him have a little space, watching his lover add the veggies to a curry base.

"Curry?" he asked softly.

Brian, who was busy stirring their going to be dinner, looked up at him. "Of course. It's your favorite dish." He stated bluntly.

Staring at his lover, Ed blinked. For a second, he wasn't sure if he wanted to start crying or kiss his lover. Luckily, he decided for the later, pulling Brian against him during their kiss, his hands roaming his lover. Brian broke the kiss when a certain sizzling noise demanded his attention. Turning around in Ed's arms, he stirred the curry again.

"If you continue to do that, our dinner will burn." Brian stated matter of factly.

Ed only chuckled. "It's barely after 3 pm, let's call it a burned late lunch and still have dinner?"

He couldn't see his lover's face, but he could swear he rolled his eyes. A moment later, after the sizzling noise stopped, Brian turned around, grabbed his chin with his free hand and placed a firm kiss on his lips.

"Get me the coconut milk, smartass." Brian's voice left no room for arguing, so Ed sighed dramatically and let go of his lover, doing as he was ordered to.

* * *

After their dinner ("It's called lunch Brian. Lunch!") the two of them sat in silence for a little while. What was left to say, after all?

"The jury will be asked to come to a decision tomorrow, will they?" Ed asked into the silence. He could see a shadow move over Brian's face, being answer enough already, before his lover nodded. A day. Well, no, half a day. Court commenced at eight in the morning. A heavy silence hung over them for a moment, until Brian got up. "Let's do the dishes." He said softly. Ed only nodded and got up, helping his love.

Afterward, they lay on the couch, snuggled close. Ed's head was comfortably positioned on Brian's chest. He could feel every little breath his lover took. His chest rising so softly. He could hear his heartbeat. His hand carefully running along his back. Ed shouldn't do, what he was going to do. It didn't feel right. In fact, it felt like one of the worst things he had ever done. Sitting up with a heavy heart, he looked at his lover. Only sadness in his eyes. Brian looked at him surprised. His love had obviously planned to, well, not sit up anytime soon.

"I... have to talk with you." Ed stated softly, becoming aware of the lump in his throat. He shouldn't do that. It was the wrong thing all along.

The surprise in Brian's eyes turned into an ice-cold suspicion. "About what? You really want to break up with me? Now?"

If only it was... yet, Ed had to stifle a laugh. He hadn't expected that reaction from his lover. He guessed it was the logical one. Break up with his loved one before going to prison. Something of his thoughts had to have been visible on his face as Brian's expression softened. His lover remained suspicious, though.

"I..." Ed hesitated. He could still go back on his word. Not say anything. Take it with him... but... no. He had decided to do it. Even though...his hand wandered to his jeans pocket, shortly touching the object within, before pulling it from its hiding place. He could see Brian's eyes widen in surprise... and sadness.

"I won't ask you to marry me, obviously. I still want you to have the ring, though." Ed watched his lover carefully, never moving his eyes. He felt the thin metal rest between his thumb and his index finger. Cold metal against his warm skin. Brian stared at the ring for some long moments, then moved his eyes. Looked at him.

More silence. Eternal silence. Silence which ripped him apart. Brian moved suddenly, crushing their lips against each other in what could only be described as a desperate kiss. Ed could feel wetness on his cheeks, fresh salt on his lips. He wasn't sure if it were Brian's or his own tears. Probably of them both.

After their surprisingly wet kiss, he took Brian's hand and put the ring on the right finger. He looked at it for a long moment, then sighed and looked up at his lover.

"I'm sorry. I really am. Never planned that."

Brian, altering between looking at his ~~engagement~~ ring and his lover, chuckled softly. "Since when do you have it?"

"Two months. I walked past a jewelry store and saw it. Thought it would look perfect on you, so I bought it. Let it be engraved. All that stupid shit."

Brian frowned softly. "It's engraved?"

Pulling the ring off his finger, he found a series of Chinese characters within. A moment later, an even sadder smile grazed his lips.

"I knew you were the romantic type." Brian only commented, putting the ring back where it belonged and kissed Ed once again. This kiss was long and gentle and still daringly wet. It seemed to break them both. Break them in places which were intact before. All he could do was think about what life they could have had.

When he realized what he was doing, thinking about what if, he stopped his thoughts. There was the saying, that what if was the door to madness. He thought that to be true. How could be thinking about every possibility one had missed or could have done differently ever be good? He would miss his whole life that way.

Breaking their kiss he brought a bit of distance between them, brushing Brian's tears away. Pecking his lover's nose, he smiled gently. Maybe the first true smile today.

"I love you." He said softly. A smile passed over Brian's face before he settled on a grin. His lover raised his hand, the one wearing the ring, slightly.

"I know. I have proof of that now."

Ed blinked before he burst into laughter. The answer was so typically him, that he couldn't stop laughing. Brian was the first one, who had said that L-word. And Ed hadn't said it back in a long while. His love had confronted him about not saying anything after a while. He should at least say something, his lover told him. And so Ed had come up with a myriad of stupid-smartass answers, just to not say nothing anymore.

He snuggled close to Brian, hid his face against his neck and resumed chuckling for a while. After he had calmed down, he remained in his position, feeling how Brian had slipped his hand below his shirt, his fingers gently running along his back. He closed his eyes for a time, simply enjoying the current moment. Brian's warm and strong body against his own. His warm breath running along the side of his face. He could feel his lover's heartbeat. Steady, but getting faster slowly. Those warm hands running along his body. His scent. How he would miss it. All of it. All of him.

Turning his face, Ed pressed his lips on Brian's neck, letting them travel up towards his earlobe to be able to nibble on it. He knew his love loved that...

* * *

Snuggling against Brian's hot and sweaty skin, Ed sighed content. He remained in Brian's arms for a while, listening to his breath, enjoying their closeness. His arms were wrapped around Brian, their legs entangled. If only this moment could last forever.

Finally, Ed rose his voice. Soft and gentle. "Promise me..."

What? What exactly did he want to ask?

...to love me forever?

...to not forget me?

...to wait for me?

He couldn't ask any of that. All those wishes were selfish. Too selfish to even begin with. Giving Brian the ring had been worse enough.

"... to live a good life. I want you to be happy, okay? Don't dwell on what if."

Brian slowly rose his head, looking at him sheepishly. "You are not going to die. Don't sound like that."

Ed chuckled softly. "We both know they will lock me away for a very long time. I want you to make something of it."

Brian was silent for a while. Not saying a word. Ed thought he did ignore him when Brian finally spoke: "I promise you to be there when you get out."

Ed frowned softly. "You don't have to be. I can't ask that of you."

Brian snickered gently and pecked his lips. "You see, you don't. It's my promise. Nothing more and nothing less."

Ed smiled, nodded and hid his face against Brian's neck.

"You will get along?" he asked lowly, felling his lips moving against warm skin. He could feel Brian chuckle.

"Of course I will. You gave me enough enzyme for the next time. I think I'll understand your notes on how to create it sooner or later. I'll take care of your bitcoins. And I'll enjoy digging through your laptops, no offense."

The remark about his laptops got him laughing. He rolled away from his lover, feeling his body move on its own. After he calmed down, he looked at his love. Simply watched him. There was no sadness left. Only amusement and love remained. Brian watched him silently, wearing a smile on his lips in return. A moment passed, until he moved, claiming Ed's lips in a passionate kiss. Meanwhile, Ed felt, how his lover got himself on top of him, pressing his body down into the mattress. Skin on skin, moving slowly. Sleep wasn't needed tonight.

The night went by as if within a dream. At some point, Ed changed his perception of passing time, letting it seem longer and longer. Usually, the stretching of time only occurred in dreams or during extreme boredom, but for him it was simple to change that. He felt the warmth radiating from Brian's body. He heard and felt his breaths. The drumming of his heart. That certain scent, his lover only had after sex. One of Brian's hands was entangled in his hair as if never letting go. The other moved gently along his skin, touching and feeling. He had stroked his lover for a long time, now he only held him. Held him as close as he could.

He knew it was selfish, stretching one moment towards forever. Yet, he couldn't change it. Would never change it. He had never believed he could fall in love that fast and hard, yet he did. His stupid, little, lovely FBI double-agent... His Brian. And in the darkness of the night, he allowed himself to hope. Hope, that Brian would keep his promise. Hope, that they would fall in love again. He didn't know how long they would lock him up, but it would be years for sure. Years could and would change someone. He could only hope...

The morning came far too fast in his opinion. Brian got up, took a shower, used him and his bed sheets as a towel. Normally, that behavior would upset him, but what was normal today? What did it matter? After all, he had to admit that feeling Brian's wet skin on his own was exquisite. After fooling around for a little, they got back to kissing. Their kisses grew needier by the minute. More demanding, madder until they reached something that could only be described as a goodbye kiss. Filled with all their feelings, all their hopes. Ed hadn't believed one could kiss like that. After Brian broke away, he didn't say a word. His lover only looked at him. Deep love shimmering in his eyes. And right below a heartbreaking sadness.

Brian left without a word. Grabbing his stuff, wearing his ring, leaving his place. As soon as he heard the door fall shut, he felt tears welling up. Ed remained in bed for some time, feeling warm tears on his cheeks. For a moment alone, he allowed his emotions to take control, let them overwhelm him. Farewell Brian. Farewell...

* * *

At court, he was his usual, calm self again. He got a good look at Brian, who looked like there was nothing more interesting in the world than how this trial would end. Lucky him, he had to be curious about it. After all, he had been one of those who took him into custody in the first place. Meanwhile, Ed could see Becca throw curious gazes at Brian. For a moment he wondered... yet, of course, it was obvious. Brian wore his ~~engagement~~ ring and Becca, being curious as she was, needed to know how he got it. He hadn't told her, then. Well, she would never know the truth for sure.

After the judge summed up his case, the jury was asked, as expected, to come to a decision. Ed didn't listen, honestly. He was busy looking ashamed while all he did was watch Brian. He looked calm, simply awaiting the end of the trial.

After just one hour, the jury had come to a decision. Guilty. Like expected. Ed was taken into custody to avoid him fleeing sentence. His lawyer had tried to argue, that he hadn't left the country until now. How had that guy ever succeeded in becoming a lawyer? Even weirder, why had that guy such a high success rate of keeping people out of prison? Well... Ed had to admit, that he hadn't been very cooperative. He had known about Ellen before his trial had started. He knew, what she had said.

* * *

Two weeks passed without much happening for Ed. He scared his one cellmate, who got detention for stealing something from someone, enough to leave him his peace. He flipped through the pages of a prison library copy of 'Kinds of steel and how to tell them apart' when a guard appeared in front of his cell.

"You've got visitors, Eddie."

Until now, the public didn't know why he was here. The guards didn't know why he was here. Rumours were spreading, one more outrages than the other, after all his imprisonment didn't go unnoticed. And yet, there was odd silence. No official statement. Nothing. Resulting in the guards treating him more like a special guest than a prisoner.

He made a bit of polite conservation with the guard, who was named Jeremy, had a wife and a child, an unhappy marriage... Oh, how much to learn during a three minutes walk. He was brought to one of the private interrogation rooms and, for a short moment, looked quite surprised entering the room. Brian and Becca. What did the FBI want from him? Even though he had to admit to no one but himself, that he loved to see his Brian. He looked fine. Yet, looking fine was easy on NZT. After his two visitors had gotten rid of a very curious guard, Brian got up and disabled every surveillance he could find. After that, he remained behind Becca, leaning against the wall and keeping an eye on him. That was the plan, wasn't it? Brian should keep an eye on him, his reactions, his behavior, while Becca asked the questions.

Ed looked at Brian for a moment, who gifted him with the briefest of smiles. For a second, a swirl of emotions passed through his eyes, before Brian settled on his neutral mask again. Ed's gaze returned to Becca, simply watching her and waiting. Ten to Fifteen minutes passed that way in utter silence. He should be left wondering, what was going on, hu? Well... that worked. He was curious, but he wouldn't say a word. They came to him. Should they start talking.

Finally, after some more silence, Becca started to talk. "Well..."

Really? Well was her opener?

"Ellen mentioned you gave her immunity to NZT's side-effects."

Eddie Morra didn't even blink. They were here for the enzyme. They wanted to create a bunch of hyperintelligent beings. Use the drug for their own goals.

"I will not ever give you the immunity formula." He stated calm, watching Becca.

She only smiled as if she had expected his answer. Well, she most likely had. It was the obvious reaction. "We have all your laptops, tablets and phones. Everything. Work and private. We will find it."

Ed tilted his head, smiling softly. "I never wrote it down. You can't find anything that doesn't exist." That wasn't true. He had broken his golden rule of never writing down how to create the enzyme. He had given it to Brian.

Yet, he could see something like anger pass over Becca's face. "We know who worked for you. We will track the names down. We will find the scientists. Put the pieces together."

This time, Ed burst into laughter. "They didn't work for me officially. I didn't pay them. There is no link between me and them. You might find a trace or two, but they are cold and dead, leading nowhere." The three main scientists, who had all together understood how NZT worked and done the lions-share of the creation of the enzyme had actually been killed in a train accident. Tragic thing...

For one moment there was silence. Becca smiled suddenly. "We have your blood samples from when we took you into custody. From when we took Ellen."

Once again, Ed only shrugged. "You can trace NZT in them. The immunity shot not. It's untraceable." Else they would have found something in Brian's monthly check-ups ages ago.

Becca seemed to want to say something, but Brian moved, touching her shoulder and stopping her. Ed's gaze flicked between the two. They were... playing bad cop, good cop, weren't they? While Brian sat down, Becca got up, took Brian's former place at the wall, watching them with hawk eyes. As if she could see anything. Brian was on NZT and he had taken it for such a long timeframe, that there was barely any difference. They could both hide the world from her and she would never know. Oh... wait...

Ed's eyes flickered to Brian's ~~engagement~~ ring but didn't say a word, didn't show anything on his face. Brian meanwhile, facing Becca with his back, allowed his neutral mask to slip. A soft warmth crept into his eyes. "We will half your prison sentence if you cooperate." Brian stated calmly.

Ed could only stare at him. He had thought they were playing bad cop, good cop. Hell, he had been wrong. They were both bad cops, one worse than the other.

A piece of him, the illogical and emotional one, which had returned with falling for Brian, screamed at him to take the deal. Half whatever he would get. There was no better deal. He could see Brian sooner. So much sooner. He would love nothing more than to kiss this man in front of him. Hold him. Tell him how much he loved him. How much...

"Not interested." Was his gentle response.

Brian smiled wickedly, got up and nodded to Becca. She left the room, while Brian remained, standing. Looking at him. "Remember that day, Mister Morra. We may come back to it." And then he added, only for Ed to see, a silent 'Love you'. Then he turned away, leaving Ed behind. He looked at the back of his... well... former lover for a moment. And smiled. Brian would be okay.

* * *

Two weeks once more passed, until Edward Morra was summoned back to court. Much nonsense later, the judge came to the interesting part. His sentence. While he listened, something within Ed broke. It broke him into many tiny pieces. And through the pieces, sadness flooded back into his being. Desperate madness. He couldn't... he...

They gave him twenty years. Without parole. In isolation.


End file.
